100 word challenge

“Hey lads how about be escape?”

“Yeah lets do it”

“But how are we going to get out?”

“I have herd that these rope things are really easy to brake”

The next day when the park was closed they broke free and ran as far away as they could. They ran all the way to a waterfall where they can stay so they do not get taken away by some people to be smelted down in to metal, so they can make something else but the bad thing was that one of them got taken away. So they all promised to never leave the waterfall again.

One thought on “100 word challenge

  1. Jack,
    There is so much action squeezed into such a short piece. I love the way you chose to begin with dialogue to draw your reader in.
    The ideas you chose of having the escaped horses being caught and melted down gives a dark, scary tone to this adventure.
    Be careful to identify the best place to end your sentences and think about how using auxiliary verbs can help your meaning.
    The section that said:
    “to a waterfall where they can stay so they do not get taken away by some people to be smelted down in to metal”,
    would be clearer like this:
    ..to a waterfall where they COULD stay so they WOULD not get taken away by some people to be smelted down in to metal”.
    Keep up the great work,
    Ant

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