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100wc

April 20, 2017 - 100wc

 

The day had ended Harry and James were full of excitement and they were tired. The storm was getting closer and closer. James looked at his iPhone for the time (watch 5:48pm) “omg Harry we have 2 minutes to run 2 km, the portal closes at 6:00” “Quick, RUN” The boys ran as fast as they could. “10 seconds Harry only 50 meters to go” they got to the portal. Just as they got half way through the portal closed and they were stuck. They had to wait till 6:30pm until the portal re opened so they could get through. They moved their eyes sideways to look at each other and laughed. Harry said (James we need to run faster next time)

One thought on “100wc

antsclass

Jack,
this is my favourite piece that you have written this year. The idea of being stuck while halfway through a portal is perfect for this prompt. I love the way you create suspense, almost counting down though the details and dialogue as they get closer.
But my favourite part is how you break the suspense with humour at the end when they look at each other and laugh-if it wasn’t scary, then this moment would indeed be very funny!
One area to focus on for future writing is punctuation. There are a few full stops and commas that are missing, and your talking punctuation needs a few small improvements – for instance the last line should have talking marks instead of brackets.
Overall though Jack, this is wonderful writing- well done!
Ant

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